Monday, September 13, 2010

U 2 R Totally Doing It

Dear Lovers,

It's not that I don't applaud you both on many, many levels.  Palin, you have a command of Twitter shorthand that rivals any cheerleader in the nation.  And Beck, what can I say?  Just last month, you took back The Civil Rights Movement and restored it to it's rightful owners, pudgy white people in patriotic tee-shirts.  Hooray for restoring decency!

But OMG, I just can't get over what a cute couple you two would make!  You don't have to make those faces at me, it's just a little hypothetical tryst.  I would never question your family values.  However, there is a certain chemistry between you two.  It's about as sexy as O'Reilly and his falafel, but it's still chemistry.

 Some people might say Beck would be out of his league if he hunted Mama Grizzly, and that the thought of  his fleshy face coming in for a kiss might make her puke.  I think this is debatable.  Yes, Palin (and 99% of all humans) is more visually appealing than Beck.  Sure, he's an addict and a compulsive crier.  He has a dizzying case of ADHD, indulges violent fantasies about strangling Michael Moore and prays for Dennis Kucinich to burst into flames.  So what?  He drives an Escalade!  Is there a more Palinesque car on the market today?  Nothing says, "Global warming is a myth.  Look at me, I"m famous!" like an Escalade.  

So What?  You're Famous