Monday, July 26, 2010

Trolls-1 Humans-0

Dear Switzerland,

You do know Roman Polanski is a troll, right?  It's not a figure of speech or a metaphor, he's a TROLL!  He crawled out from under a bridge in Poland about eighty years ago, and he's been hiding in plain sight ever since.  Don't question me, Switzerland.  I'm American, I know all about trolls.  It brings me no joy to report to you that we have an entire industry dedicated to our troll population.  Where do you think Woody Allen and Tom Cruise would be without their troll brethren in the film industry?  Laying asphalt?  Selling insurance?  Ha!  Stilted shoes and make-up Switzerland, it's not a secret.

I thought neutrality was like, your thing?  (Well, that and hot cocoa)  Now you pick a side?  Now?  You managed to stay out of World War II, but when an old-ass troll rapist faces justice, you decide to take a stand?  It's fine Switzerland, keep that troll if he's so precious to you. Put him on your flag and make him your little mascot.  But don't blame us in thirty years when there's one on every corner.  We thought Danny DeVito was cute in "Taxi", and now look at us.  I've got one word for you Switzerland, SNOOKI.

Consider yourselves warned,

So What?  You're Famous.    


  1. too many gems in here to list them all!

  2. Garden gnomes are also very popular in Switzerland...draw your own conclusions. My personal belief is that the high altitude has finally taken its toll on the peeps.

  3. Self-righteous douchbaggery if you ask me, Polanski deserves a throat punch!