Thursday, March 4, 2010
Dear Dr. Dob,
What do you mean you’re leaving Focus On The Family? The world will be so blurry without my giant Dobson goggles! Who will decipher the moral code of the universe now? This is going to be mayhem, Jim. Big time.
Don’t you fear for the children? Not long ago, American parents did not know a lusty sponge was threatening the very fabric of our nation. Now, through your freakishly large spectacles, we can see the unholy union between Spongebob and Patrick. The very idea of two invertebrates holding hands…GROSS! Bikini Bottom morals on Main Street? Not on your watch! It’s a good thing too, that place is a modern day Sodom and Gomorrah.
But what about that miserly crab and his bratty whale daughter? What kind of rudderless society allows a bachelor crab to adopt a baby whale? Who’s going to teach her how to use her blow hole? Do you not see the threats posed by that diabolical little dictator, Plankton? He’s probably a socialist. Once he gets that Krabby Patty recipe he’ll set his sights on the Big Mac. Before we know it, he’ll be blabbing the ingredients of the secret sauce in some tiny protozoan manifesto. Don’t go, Dr. Dobson. Your work here is not yet done.
So What? You’re Famous.