Sunday, March 14, 2010

Free Weezy!

Dear Lil' Wayne,

Is that a bag of gold around your neck?  I like a forthright leprechaun who isn't all coy about where he hides his gold.  Good for you!  Even though pink camouflage on grown men makes me happy 100% of the time, today I am fighting the blues.  Remember how the Chilean earthquake shifted the Earth's axis?  That's how I feel about celebrities going to prison.  It alters our understanding of the universe.  Up is down, right is left, you're a feminist, etc.  It confuses everything.

Obviously, this is not your fault, and I would never suggest such a thing.  But where did you get your lawyers?  K-Mart?  First of all, it's called REHAB!  That should have been the first word out of their mouths. Everyone knows that when you're talking about stars, rehab is a perfectly acceptable substitution for prison.  It can also stand in for "revoke drivers license", "remove children from the home", "deactivate Twitter account", " require panties in public" and "end career", should you ever find yourself in another pickle.  Speaking of children, what about your secondary career as professional inseminator?  How many women will go childless this year because of this injustice?  You fathered three babies back to back, and you could have doubled that in the time you will be inside!  I guess the judge isn't concerned about the lack of celebrity spawn this country is enduring.  Heartless!

It might be a bit unfair to blame the lawyers, though.  There is the little snafu of your DNA on the gun found in your tour bus.  I find it odd they didn't specify if it was a fingerprint.  I hope this doesn't mean what I think it means....

Either way, I'm off to make some bumper stickers.  Free Weezy!

So What?  You'r Famous.


  1. First, I loved Tha Carter III. Second, I don't understand Weezy. To clarify, I NEED to know exactly what his medical condition is because there is one.

  2. I kinda like his matchy-match "style" that the thing to do now match your belts with your underwear?