Friday, November 13, 2009

Yeah monkey, I’m talking to you

clip_image001Hey Curious George,

You’re not fooling anyone with that  name of yours.  That’s like Playful Genghis or Accepting Adolph.  Not buying it!  Through heroic investigative reporting, I located a photo of you and that insufferable ding-dong you live with reading a book.  I find this infuriating because most of the mayhem you cause in your community is based on your alleged illiteracy.  Remember when you risked the lives of all the animals in the zoo because you couldn’t read the Don’t Feed the Animals sign?  Or the time you totally destroyed that poor woman’s boutique because you didn’t understand math and gave everything away for free?  What about the time you fell in the lake and almost drowned that little boy who tried to save you because you ignored the No Fishing sign?  I’m sick of it George.  How many must suffer at your malicious little monkey hands?

I don’t know how the people of your cartoon community put up with your bullshit or your handler’s all yellow wardrobe.  I assume they feel sorry for both of you because you’re a giant fuck up and he’s obviously insane.  However, I for one, think something needs to be done.  Perhaps you need The Dog Whisperer or Super Nanny.  Either way, I’m banning you in my house until you get yourself under control.  How you rigged this bizarre living situation you’ve got going in Toonville is a mystery, but I’m pretty sure there are laws protecting humans from malignant monkeys.  Watch yourself, George.  I’m alerting the authorities.

Sincerely,

So What?  You're Famous.

P.S. And to you, Man in the Yellow Hat, get that monkey out of the bed.  It’s creepy and unsanitary.

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