Saturday, November 28, 2009

Do these tatoos make me look fat?

Hey Ladies!
I was thinking about you yesterday as I saddled up to my extra-large trough of Thanksgiving yumminess.  It’s hard not to think about the hungry when you are working toward becoming a bloated cow during a meal.  I’m not talking about the hungry in a Sally Struthers way.  I’m talking about hungry people who deny they are hungry.  Because frankly, that is a weird thing to say when your entire skeletal system is visible to the naked eye.  Clearly, at least one of you is hungry.  The other two might be telling the truth.  You know the drill, “I just have a really high metabolism” or “I’m just built thin”.  That works for possibly 50% of the populations you have been pulled from.  The thing is, in the last 40 years there have been hundreds of super-famous models and actresses, and for the most part they all look just like you. There is no way ALL of you are built thin or have super charged metabolisms.  Stop being so modest!  Where is your endorsement from The World Food Bank?  I think it’s high time someone thanked you for the sacrifice you are making for trough dwellers like me.  I am guessing that aside from Jolie sucking bone marrow from the turkey carcass yesterday, you three went completely without.  And for that, I am grateful.  Yesterday, you put my dreams before yours, and when I am the next subject of “One Ton Mom”, I will not forget to say thank you to those who abstain from food.  Without you, there would not be enough for me.  Stay strong girls!

Happy Thanksgiving!

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